When I imagined...

When I imagined being a mother, I didn't imagine:

that I would know so little, especially when put on the spot.

that there would always be multiple (winning) distractions during teachable moments.

that children wouldn't really even look for me to dispense wisdom - just food.

that there would be no magical approach to make a tantrum or insolent behavior quit.

that everyone would need me at the same time for something different.

that I would finish days hoping that love covered the multitude of my wrongs.

that I would pray things for their future that included "despite me and my actions".

that I would struggle to believe that God chose me for them.

* * * * *

When God pictured me being a mother, He didn't picture:

that I would know all of the answers, at all times.

that I would hold power over hearts and attitudes.

that I would meet everyone's needs every time.

that I would finish each day with gold stars and perfect memories.

that I would be the best representation of love to my children.

Because those roles are all His.  

* * * * * 

Sometimes I get near hyperventilation thinking of how unqualified I am for this mothering job.  But God has been speaking to my heart over and over lately that what my children need is not a mother who says and does all the right things, but a mother who is passionate for Jesus and fervent in prayer for her children.  For if they see me leaning on Him in my weakness, taking the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, becoming quicker to listen and slower to anger, looking long-term for God's goodness in their lives, growing in Christ --- the realness of His Power will speak of and point to Him. Which truly is at the top of my mothering job description.