It was easy to have sweet little notes and a small piece of candy at their breakfast spots Valentine's Day morning. It was doable to have the traditional heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast, even if it was Sunday and time was tight. It was pleasant to read what they made at school for us, the one time of the year when their papers have hearts all over.
Sometimes, love is easy.
Yet other times, the harsh words and sibling competition and unbridled anger puncture my heart in ways that drain my love-reserves. I know that a quiet response, kind eyes, and perseverance (even when a child pushes me away) are what should follow, but I can't seem to summon those with barely a second's notice.
I cannot just muster up the love that is needed.
Loving like the Bible defines love (loving those who mean us harm, loving without pride or selfishness or impatience, and many other descriptors reminding us that love is not cheap nor easy) is not something the lucky ones are given as a spiritual gift - it is a fruit of the Spirit. Which means that it is something that should grow, and the growth comes through abiding in Jesus. ("I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5) And if love is not increasing in my life, then it seems to me that I must actually be abiding elsewhere - in myself, in my fears of what this could look like in a few years if nothing changes, in my spiraling sense of hopelessness, in my need to find a quicker fix.
I cannot muster up the love that is needed, but I can let His love - the rich and deep kind the Bible talks about - flow through me if I remain in Him. So I turn to and settle in Him again.
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