the holiday charm of raised blood pressure

We started our day nice and slow, sending Mark off to work while Jake and the Neverland Pirates sang on the TV and our traditional no-school-because-of-huntin' deer pancakes were going on the griddle.

The boys decided to organize a day of "Julian school," complete with all 3 brothers reading books to him, Eli teaching him the value of zero and one (complete with worksheet), Ish leading gym class, and Toby instructing J on the basics of drums, harmonica, and piano.  Marveling at this kindness and overall feeling of happiness, I gladly turned my attention to the important things at hand, namely CYBER MONDAY.

I finished our Christmas card order.  (There may not be a traditional "pictures that didn't make the Christmas card cut" post this year, because, well, the pictures that shouldn't have made the cut made it anyway.  Unique.)  I ordered some presents and could be heard yelling It says I just saved $124! to no one in particular (and also to no one who really cared).  

The boys have been spending their every-last-penny on gifts for each other, which is one of the most tender things of this season.  We've spent a lot of time on Amazon.com and then again wandering the WalMart toy aisle, but I knew we still needed to hit a cheap store for some finalities, so I braced myself and took the fellows shopping.

Everyone went in separate directions, despite my many attempts to keep us together.  The youngest one started seeing special things going into hands and decided he needed something special RIGHT NOW.  The idea of waiting until Christmas (or even five seconds) has not yet become one he wants to embrace.  The noise was increasing, as was my blood pressure, but we still had one more store to go to - and that location became the place where I said something out loud along the lines of, "I just want to bang my head into these cans."  I also started making (empty) threats that, when not achieving the desired change, were then joined by additional (and emptier) threats.

Mature and full of self-control.  Also, holiday magic.

On a normal day, the nuances of being a peacekeeper/chaperone/person-supposed-to-be-imparting-wisdom are enough to make me lose it.  Add in the extra pressure of the holidays, and it is highly possible that something spectacularly awful could go down.  And I know why - because I am not making space for what I really need: time to be filled with the Love that is patient and kind, time to be still and know God, time to let Him refocus me on the gift and true reason for being peacekeeper/chaperone/parent/alive.

Ironically, we are approaching the holiday celebrating the birth of One for whom many did not make room, and here I am over two thousand years later still too full.  If ever there was a need to Make Space, it is now.