Friction has resulted in an increasing awareness of my weaknesses - weaknesses that don't have to show up much when I am in my element, weaknesses that are front and center now.
I have to say: I miss being comfortable. I liked doing ok, moving forward. These times of friction get painful. Like a mirror showing me that, while I thought I had put together a fun outfit, my sweater has been inside out the whole time.
Conversations continue to remind me that I am afraid of awkward silence. That I rarely know the right thing to say at the right time. Or even after the right time. That I will choose the path of least confrontation instead of saying what might initially hurt but long-run help.
I have unintentionally absorbed the mantra better safe than sorry. Instead of taking risks or dreaming big, I make sure to set attainable goals. My fear and pride marry to produce a safe life that I can manage on my own - when I know I was made for more. We all were made for more - for life as wide-open, messy canvases displaying God's glory in a way only He can manage.
And so I once again see my rough edges, my need for humility. I lay out what I think are my strengths, what I see as my weaknesses, and rest in knowing that God's grace is more than enough. And as I find myself in situations where my weaknesses are blaring, I remember that in those moments, Christ in me gets time to shine.
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