Guest Post: Erin

Ish's NC Caseworker, Erin (pictured with her husband)

We arrived at the Bethany office in Raleigh, NC quite nervous. We were about to meet our son for the very first time, and we were already a bit out of sorts from our quick (yet long) travel to get there. But then, we walked in and met Erin, and she led us to this...

Erin helped us navigate through all of those early moments and is still available to us today. From the very beginning, even before we knew about Ish, Erin has loved our son and his birth mom. We are blessed by her part in Ish's story! Here are Erin's answers to our interview questions.

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What led you to working in the adoption field?My interest in adoption began with an internship at a crisis pregnancy center while I was studying social work at Asbury College in KY. After completing graduate school, that same pregnancy center had an opening for a full time crisis counselor. I began working for them and there was also an adoption agency that was part of the center. My co-worker went on maternity leave and they needed someone to fill in as birthparent counselor. That's what began my interest in adoption and when I relocated to NC from KY, I knew that I wanted to find a position working in adoption. I have a passion for working with people. I feel God has given me the ability to truly empathize and care for people who are in difficult situations and have the opportunity to allow the Lord to work through me during such life changing events as placing a child for adoption.


Social work has a quick burnout rate. What keeps you going back each morning?Honestly, it's the Lord!!! There are mornings when I feel like I can't go on, when I feel like I can't emotionally "disconnect" from my work and be emotionally available for my husband and family. I don't know how social workers do it without that daily relationship with the Lord. He fills my cup when I am empty and gives me the compassion I need to meet the demands of each day. Initially, I thought adoption would be a "happy" field to go into, but I quickly realized that adoption work involves a lot of raw and delicate emotions - always with one party grieving intensely over the loss of a child, whether it be the adoptive couple (when the birthmother changes her mind and decides to parent) or the birthmother (who is grieving the loss and separation from her child). It is difficult, but it's also very rewarding to be a small part of watching God join families together and see children placed into a loving Godly home who would otherwise not have the opportunities and spiritual influence in their lives had their birthmothers chosen to parent.

What are your greatest joys in your profession?My greatest joy is the placement ceremony. I love to see the child united with his/her adoptive family. It is a time of great joy and the adoptive families’ dreams are realized during this time. I also enjoy seeing how the children are down the road. It's so much fun to see the baby that I discharged from the hospital grow into a little man or little woman!

What are your greatest challenges or sadnesses in your profession?My greatest challenges involve dealing with great emotional highs and lows. When a birthmother changes her mind and decides to parent and I know that child is going into a difficult environment, it makes me grieve for that child and what his/her future may look like. When the adoptive family had their hopes of a promised child and they have bonded to that child and then the birthmother decides to parent and their dreams are dashed, it breaks my heart. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was go to an adoptive parent's house and remove a child after they had bonded for several days due to the fact that the birthmother changed her mind and decided to parent. (In NC, birth moms have 7 days to change their mind about their decision to place for adoption.) It is beyond words to describe how emotionally difficult that is for everyone involved. I wish that scenario upon no one!

How would you describe the public attitude toward adoption?I feel as if the public is very misinformed about adoption. There are many myths about adoption that exist and many people believe what they see on Lifetime TV or the movie Juno. Those examples of adoption are not realistic. Most birth moms will never appear on your front door step and try to take their child back. They responsibly chose adoption and they want the adoption to succeed just as much as adoptive parents want it to succeed. I wish people were better educated on the truths about adoption and in turn people could be better advocates for adoption.

What do you wish more people realized?
So many times when people ask me about my job, they say, "How could a birth mom possibly give up her child?" I know this statement is made out of ignorance, and I try to be gracious. What most people don't have the opportunity to see is that every birth mom that makes the incredible loving self-sacrificial choice to make an adoption plan for her child does so through the most intense pain and suffering they will ever experience. Every birth mom loves her child beyond what words could ever express and I have never met one birth mom who easily "gave up" her child. The only way a birth mom could choose adoption for her child is out of a mature, intense love that she has for her child and the ability to deny the thoughts and emotions within herself to "keep" the child rather than do something that is much more painful and that is to allow another family to raise, love and care for her child. In my eyes, only a strong heroine is able to do that which is so unnatural but so incredibly loving. God provided that perfect picture of adoption for us in "giving up" his Son and being separated from him to accomplish the greater good of salvation for the world.

What would you say to someone discouraged about how extensive and costly the adoption process is?You can't put a price on investing in God's kingdom. Yes, adoption is expensive- I can guarantee you that adoption social workers aren't getting paid much either. :) It is a ministry that we are involved in and that's why we are willing to work hard for little financial compensation. There are a lot of things we spend our money on... from vacations, to Starbucks runs, to a decent car - but when you think of the eternal soul of a child, isn't that worth the investment and sacrifice of material things? I've seen families adopt who by the world's eyes didn't have 2 pennies to rub together. But when God is calling you to it, remember that He will provide all that you need. It may mean humbling yourself and writing a "missions" letter to ask for assistance, it may mean sacrificing that newer car or nicer house - but I have never had one parent say that their child wasn't worth the cost. In fact, most tend to forget how costly the adoption was when they are focusing on the precious child they have to love and invest in.